Ximena Morales (Pereira, Columbia) and Mike Berk’s (Thiells, NY) long-distance love launched season 5 of 90 Day Fiancé: Before The 90 Days with the tragic certainty of James Cameron’s Titanic. Mike was always going to scurry off heartbroken into the Columbian night, Ximena was always going to be blamed for his consumption, and it was never going to stop fans from tuning in.
Ximena plays the wolf in Mike’s hapless hen house. A mother willing to do almost anything for her kids, she quickly learns that benevolence cannot be the only spark in a relationship. Repulsed by everything from Mike’s bedroom eyes to his brazen flatulence, she’s never afraid to let the audience, or Mike himself, know how off-putting she thinks he is.
Almost Sweet
“Mike Isn’t Handsome Physically, But From The Heart He Is.”
Ximena is without a filter. As part of her first testimonial, she makes it clear that though Mike is far from her type, he’s won her over with his kindness and support.
There’s no questioning Mike’s heart. Living with his father and 94-year-old grandfather, Mike takes on the role of son and caretaker without complaint. Paying for her rent, appliances, and expenses so she can stay home with her children and away from Covid’s ongoing imminence, Ximena is well aware of how important she is to Mike.
Dangerous Bedfellows
“I’ve Had Aggressive Partners In The Past…I Lived With A Hitman.”
Floating in a hot tub together, Ximena discloses to Mike that she once dated a tattoo artist that turned out to be a hitman that purportedly put out a hit on her. Terminally in love with Ximena, Mike’s shock shifted to fear with a delayed wince.
Mike’s dating history is a clean sheet of paper. Finding out that the only woman that’s ever committed herself to him potentially has sicarios after her is almost impossible to digest. Physically unimposing and a world away from home, the last thing Mike wants to do is fend off assassins.
Everyone’s A Critic
“I Think Mike’s Food Is…Well…What A Sin. He Had All The Best Intentions, But They’re Uncooked So It’s Going To Give Me Diarrhea.”
Mike’s attempt to prove his paternal skillset to Ximena didn’t quite go according to plan. With Ximena and her boys, Juan and Harold, seated at the dinner table, Mike took it upon himself to cook everyone some spaghetti and cheese sauce.
As viewers have already seen Mike attempting not to butcher pancakes, it was obvious going in that this spaghetti was headed for tragedy. As Mike collected everyone’s full plates and shoveled them into the garbage, it was apparent that though his effort was appreciated, domestication was still a long way away.
Bad Habits
“Mike Is Super Gross. If You Only Knew. He Throws Clothes Everywhere Like A Kid. He’ll Let Out A Fart In Front Of Me. And He Burps On Top Of You.”
It’s not always easy to pinpoint the moment a relationship goes sour. For Mike and Ximena, it was unequivocally when they went on a romantic getaway together to Salento.
As Mike picks up Ximena and lays her on the bed in their resort, his intentions were obvious. With his body atop hers, passionate kisses steadily growing in length, he lets out a loud, meandering fart that immediately drains the color from Ximena’s skin. “No. I don’t like it,” she says, as Mike giggles, “I love you.” One of 90 Day Fiancé’s most embarrassing moments, Ximena’s repulsion with Mike would only grow stronger.
Searching For A Reason
“I Think Since Mike Hasn’t Had Many Girlfriends And Never Lived With A Woman Maybe He’s A Slob Because A Woman Is Missing From His Home.”
Though there is undoubtedly a kinder way to make the point, Ximena’s analysis of Mike isn’t without merit. It’s no secret that Mike doesn’t particularly care for cleaning and organizing. Living with his father and grandfather, the Berk nest is galvanized with familial, masculine support.
Under his own admission, Ximena was Mike’s first serious relationship. Without being able to pick up the nuances of femininity in prior relationships, Mike’s maiden voyage landed more like a belch than sophisticated cohabitation.
Stop And Stare
“We Are Sleeping And I’ll Get Up And He’s There Looking At Me As A Strange Thing And Staring Eyes.”
Mike’s staring is an ongoing issue for Ximena. Softly asleep after an exhausting day of communicative struggle and grating habits, Ximena awakes to Mike inches from her face staring past her eyelids and into her soul.
What Mike sees as a loving gesture, Ximena finds to be haunting. Comparing him to an owl, she’s outwardly uncomfortable with Mike’s nocturnal surveillance. With her already disliking Mike’s attachment to her hip while she’s awake, his relentless gaze into her REM cycle feels more like an obsession and less like an act of adoration.
Letting Him Have It
“He Has Thousands Of Things That Are Degenerate, Slobbish, Piggish.”
It’s one thing to have issues with a partner’s hygiene and habits. It’s another thing altogether to emasculate him in public not only to his face but also to his closest female friend.
With Mike and Ximena’s relationship at its breaking point, Mike calls his friend Nelcy to translate and eliminate any language barrier. This complete existential assault was the byproduct of Nelcy asking Ximena what she liked about Mike. Without a single pleasantry to be shared, Ximena closed the door on one of 90 Day Fiancé’s most one-sided relationships.
Laying Down The Law
“Intimate? No. How Do I Explain It? I Mean, You Have Something, Or Maybe It’s Me. No, It’s You. You Are Weird.”
Mike and Ximena’s story takes place over two trips to Columbia. Trip one starts off in earnest before Mike’s ways rapidly start to disgust Ximena. Trip two was doomed from the start, as Mike flies in to try and salvage their relationship, despite Ximena telling him not to.
As Mike arrives, Ximena is noticeably cold. Upset at Mike for deterring her plans for a loan shark-funded breast augmentation, intimacy was the last thing on her mind. Blind to any sort of rift, Berk is left awkwardly wondering what he did other than be himself to have Ximena so rudely close that door in their relationship.
The Ultimate Preposition
“Pay For My Boobies? First My Surgery, Then The Wedding Dress.”
Despite the cold wind blowing in Mike’s direction, he’s adamant Ximena goes wedding dress shopping with him. Already emotionally checked out, and with her stepmother and sister unable to join her, a wedding dress was the last thing on Ximena’s mind.
After trying on a few dresses as a formality, Ximena is asked why she wasn’t excited about the process. Here Mike learns that Ximena is adamant about him paying for her breast enhancement and that if he’s unwilling to do so she won’t be moving forward with their engagement. In a moment of clarity for Mike, it becomes obvious that the only love in their relationship is coming from him.
Great Success
“For Me It Was Normal. Nothing Out Of This World. But I Think For Mike It Was The Best Moment Of His Life.”
With the unmistakable smile of a man that’s just been intimate for the first time, Mike’s night moves were obvious and his happiness was radiant. Ater a lifetime of anticipation, Mike had found and seduced the woman of his dreams.
It didn’t matter that this was the high point of their romance or that they would only ever be intimate one other time. The shy vibrance emanating from Mike’s soul paired with Ximena’s casual acknowledgment that they had sex was the definitive moment of their 90 Day story. For Mike, Ximena was the woman he waited 33 years for. For Ximena? “Normal.”
